Cookies Can Soothe the Rumpled Soul

cartoon-no-idea-what-you-are.jpgMarital communication is an ongoing trip down Rumpled Expectations Lane.

Recently my daughter and her husband participated in a marriage seminar that pointed out men’s thoughts are held in separate, locked compartments and women’s thoughts are tangled masses of intersecting wires.

I do agree with this. But I don’t think it’s wise to know about it.

For instance, when my husband talks about something that is important to him, I internalize it and plug it into every area of our lives in order to honor that thing if possible. My mind is definitely on par with a mass of tangled wires.

When I share something that is important to ME with my husband, he locks it up in an airtight compartment never to be remembered again. It’s in abrain 4 compartment, and it stays there. Forever. I completely agree with the locked compartment theory.

Every time I insist that he remember that particular thing, he cannot, and perhaps it is because it is in the compartment all locked up. After six years, he must have thousands of tiny compartments in his brain, because he cannot remember most of the stuff I tell him.

So my question is this: what is the advantage to knowing this information? Wouldn’t a marriage be better off not knowing? Because now I hold him accountable for his dumb locked compartments, and my tangled mass of wiring just gets her feelings hurt if he cannot unlock them. He, however, in typical male acceptance of anything female, holds me accountable for nothing. When I try to explain something I might’ve done to offend him, he just waves it off in total and utter forgiveness. It is infuriating.

When my tangled-mass-of-wire brain does something that I find incredibly charming because, well, after all it’s based on what he told me is important to him, we cannot seem to meet on common ground. Because at the back end of the wiring vs. compartment thing there should be  forward momentum toward clearer understanding of one another. Right? Which should then lead to a new level of intimacy. (chortle, chortle)

It all breaks down with us because when I do this incredibly charming thing  he simply smiles and goes about his business as if nothing special has happened. I am thinking if it’s so dang important to you the LEAST you can do when I try to honor that thing is acknowledge it!

The resultant intense conversation causes him to break out another compartment, lock the information inside and throw away the key.  It’s like a ballerina-grandma.jpgmarital Groundhog Day.

I wish I didn’t know this stuff.

I am going to go eat a cookie.





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